Posts Tagged ‘memoirs’

Summer update

Wednesday, July 22nd, 2009

The good news: the board of education has granted us permission to educate our two youngest!  Vindication!  Definitely cause for celebration.   Akiva’s personal presentation and my written submission convinced them we are fit and serious. We have the go ahead and we are enthusiastic, at least I am.

Ironically,  we can’t quite say the same for our sons.  Whereas Avremi remains open to the idea, Moshe recently craves the companionship of other boys of his age.  This is partly a very healthy development of course and we must find ways for him to meet suitable chevra through chugim, groups of common interest or whatever other means.  He also feels frustrated with my style of home schooling over the summer term and I must find ways to adjust this to his satisfaction for the upcoming term.  He wants to go to Shira’s school, Sudbury, but for various reasons we don’t think this is suitable for him at this time.

Fortunately summer vacation activities lie between now and that time.  As we draw closer to Tisha BeAv our minds already look beyond to upcoming camping trip and the possibility of tandem hang gliding and other sweet promises.   I’m hoping these delights will settle his mind, ease his frustration.

My decision to erase my college memoirs from my web pages was not an easy one.  On the one hand they were an important part of my life, my development but on the other hand my various involvements constituted something of a personal embarassment and no little regret.  There are a number of things I would have done differently with hindsight.  I have some issue with making a written record of some things I wish I had not done.  In a sense regret erases them while at the same time they are part of history,  part of wisdom gained later.  The memories themselves are enough, for me, but how can anyone else learn from that, learn from my mistakes?  Is it right to remove that slight possibility of benefit?

Some things I don’t regret.   I still hold much affection and respect for my first year boyfriend, Martin.  He read the memoirs and appreciated their honesty.  I cannot help but wonder how Tom W would react to them and feel sad that I have been unable to find him since.  I would be friends with him now, even though I hurt him so much then and wish I had not.  I do wish I could make further and better amends.

Of course there are other things I regret that I would not record but one should not wallow in regret,  that is not its purpose or benefit.  Regret, like pain, fear or any kind of negative emotion exists to warn us that something is wrong and it is enough to find that wrong and find a way to make it right somehow.  A person should not live in regret but should find a way to learn from it,  to move on in life better equipped to deal with the challenges of the future,  and sometimes that involves making a clean break and leaving certain things well behind.